The Well-Thought-Out Entrance

Let’s get offline now, and back in the real world. Here, too, first impressions count—and that means something as simple as how you enter a room.

Women think about their entrances much more than men typically do. Women often think about how they walk, about their posture, about the movement of their hands, about how they’ll sit (both feet on the floor or legs crossed).

Men often just stupidly stumble in and figure they can handle it—whatever it is, a business meeting or a date. This approach has its merits, as it can broadcast simple, unscripted confidence. It also has its downsides, as it can leave a man unprepared for the scene in which he needs to play a starring role.

The best way to create a good entrance is to visualize the place you’ll be—an office, a restaurant—and you in the scene. See yourself moving confidently with your shoulders back, a strong stride, and a confident smile on your face. Once you’ve established yourself, be aware of your surroundings, whoever it is you’re talking to, and be prepared to listen and respond thoughtfully.

Here are the fundamentals for different situations.

The Pickup

The big mistake is the too-practiced line, or lines, which you’ll forget or stumble over in the heat of the moment, and not listening. Stay calm, make eye contact, and when you introduce yourself don’t stand too close, so that you don’t appear too eager or intimidating. Listen and respond, with light humor if possible. If she doesn’t seem interested in talking with you, politely move on.

The Date

She is there to see you. So enter confidently, but take yourself lightly. Turn the conversation to her, let her know you’re interested in what she thinks, but don’t interrogate her. She’ll tell you—in her words or in her manner—if she’s interested in another date.

The Interview

You need to look the part—again, if the part is not you, you are in the wrong interview. Be clean and on time, courteous and confident. Don’t lie, not about anything. I once didn’t get a job because I lied about something that I thought didn’t matter. I interviewed for a summer position while I was in college, and the interviewer asked if I had another job. I said, “No,” because I wanted the interviewer to know I was wide-open to doing whatever needed to be done on this job. But I found out later that he already knew about the other job, and passed me over because he felt he couldn’t trust me. That taught me an important lesson: always, always, tell the truth, even about things that seem trivial. That does not mean, of course, that you treat an interview as a confessional. Just be honest and truthful. The best defense is to live your life prudently, honorably, and well.  

Shake hands when you enter— grip the other person’s hand firmly, shake it once, maintain eye contact, and smile; that’s it—and then sit with your back straight. Make sure your cellphone is switched to silent mode. Fill any awkward pauses with compliments about the office or the potential employer.

The Business Meeting

Other than your appearance and entrance, realize this isn’t all about you. You are there to forge a transaction that will be mutually beneficial; the best salesmen knows he is there to help his potential client. Focus on service; money can come later. 

One businessman I know who owns an import/export company won’t even talk money in a business meeting. He waits until he’s at the airport. He makes great deals because he concentrates on building a relationship and providing great service. Maybe even more important, he is incorruptible. He has turned down countless illicit payoffs, which has built him a sterling reputation for integrity and won him enormous trust from his clients.